August 26th, 2009 - 7:08 am § in Archives, Technology/Science

Mission to the Sun announced at High School Graduation

By Nova Clawtooth -

Wichita, KS – Local Wichita High School class of 2010 celebrity Ben Hatten, famous for his innovative water delivery system utilized during school sporting events wherein water was placed in bottles and run onto the field instead of athletes running off, has announced that he will be making a trip directly to the Sun following graduation.

When told of his intention to go to the Sun one classmate Kelly Richards said, “Ben wasn’t voted ‘most likely to do something stupid after graduation’ for nothing.  This isn’t really that big a surprise.”

Ben, an underachieving student that ranked in the exact middle of his class, had these words of calm for his supporters, “I would just like to ask everyone not to worry.  In carrying out my plans for this heroic and historic event many hours of planning have been done.  I will not be in any immediate danger.  My trip to the sun will occur at night while the Sun is off. Thank you all for your continued support!”

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August 26th, 2009 - 5:21 am § in 3 Question/Wednesday, Archives

Question for the Streets: What Do You Think About African Runner, Caster Semenya’s Gender Debate?

By Kingsley Dunwick – New York, NY – Over the last week there has been a huge controversy in the sports world regarding Caster Semenya’s gender. ‘She’ won a gold medal in last week’s 800 meter world championship. The 18 year old, has a very muscular build and deep voice, which drew conc[...]

August 25th, 2009 - 7:43 am § in 2 Real Talk/Tuesday, Archives

Real Talk: The Good (Work) Wife’s Guide

  By Walden Brooks - What is a work wife? In layman’s terms it’s a member of the opposite sex with whom one shares a platonic relationship that in many ways mirrors a real marriage. There are the inside jokes, the shared interest of the others family and the general distain for work. Often tim[...]

August 24th, 2009 - 6:45 am § in Archives, World

CDC Set to Urge Circumcision For All Baby Boys?

  By Nova Clawtooth - Washington, DC – The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced today that it would submit legislative proposition (Prop 4) that would require circumcision for all male babies born on and after January 1, 2010. The CDC released the following statement: “T[...]

August 24th, 2009 - 5:51 am § in 1 Horrorscopes/Monday, Archives

Horrorscopes – August 24-August 30

  By Nova Clawtooth - Aries – Life is a stick…and you’re the piñata. Virgo – Big wheel keeps on turning…your crotch keeps on burning. Refill your meds. Taurus – Finances and love are in overwhelming abundance this week…for your friends. You realize you ARE the ugly one of the group [...]

August 20th, 2009 - 7:57 am § in Archives, World

The ‘Putpocketing’ Phenomenon is Spreading

By Kingsley Dunwick - Atlantic City, NJ – The recent ‘putpocket’ phenomenon in London has seemingly sparked various copy-cat initiatives across the globe. TalkTalk, a British broadband provider started their viral marketing campaign innocently enough. Their plan was to send reformed pickpocke[...]

August 20th, 2009 - 6:53 am § in Archives, Technology/Science

Study: Most Unattractive Male Name – Keith

  By Kingsley Dunwick – Wilmington, NC – An effort to determine which names women find most attractive for men has uncovered some very interesting findings. The University of North Carolina at Wilmington just released the results of their ten year study. Many organizations were following this s[...]