By Kingsley Dunwick -
Beanblossom, IN – Scientists from the Science Institute of Indiana have uncovered a remarkable correlation between drinking coffee with breakfast and the need for evacuating ones bowels while at work later in the morning. Frederick Tootsalot, a lead scientist on the project was quoted as saying “Morning coffee, equals morning dump”.
Many participants in the study had a long morning commute and reported frequent discomfort half way through their commute, with occasional gas right before they got to work. The majority of participants reported running to the bathroom within an hour of getting to work. This was then followed by a second cup of coffee.
Willie Makit, a participant in the study reported, “One morning on my way to work, I started sweating because I had to poop so badly”. Betty Wont, a woman that was car pooling with Willie that morning, was concerned that he wasn’t going to make it to work fast enough. “His farts smelled so bad”, Betty said.
The report is not yet finalized, but the scientists involved recommend avoiding large amounts of coffee right before a long commute, especially first thing in the morning.